How to help your teenage child share about her relationships?

A teenager's life is confused with the complex mix of hormones and search for one's own existence, one's individuality. And then, there starts a constant search for true love and a fight for acceptance by the opposite gender. Relationships, emotions, and rejections can be difficult for your teenager to handle. How wonderful it would be if your teenager could just rest her head on your shoulder and share about her love life with you.

Can she trust you? Why is it that they hesitate to share what's happening in their love life with their parents? Why do they not consider the same old trust in this case? What is it that stops them? Have you ever thought about it? If not, then this is the time. My principle is simple - accept, bond, and trust and I follow it all the time to enjoy a great relationship with my children - Adi and Manna.

Accept

Accept your child the way she or he is. Accept that he is unique. You know, we women love to baby our children even if they become big. They like it too but only to a certain extent. First, accept the fact that your child is not a baby anymore but a grown-up teenager. Second, accept that she is unique and so are her problems. Just listen. Don't comment and don't offer a solution. Don't judge. Just say, " I understand". Hey, don't fake it. They are very smart and they will figure it out.

So, next time your teenage daughter comes to you and shares about her crush, it's a good idea not to bombard her with a list of questions. Who is he?.. Where does he live?.. Who are his parents?.. Is he good at studies?... Bla bla! Just listen and smile. With this simple act, you are telling her that it's ok to be in love and relationship and discuss it with your mother.

Bond with your teenager

Your teenage child might be struggling with his/her relationship and be in a very disturbed mental as well as emotional state but will never let you know unless you have a special bond with him.

If the child is locked in her room all the time and doesn't want to come out, it may be a red flag. She is missing the bond with you. As parents, we should always look for ways to build a deeper bond and comfort level with our children, make them feel safer, and give them non-judgemental space. Quality time, hugs, laughter, play, and doing funny things together, work like magic. And they love fun. I become a child with my children. Really. And, they just love it. I thought it was a super good compliment when my son told me, "Mom, you are so much fun!" My children tell it to me all the time. Sometimes we just sit and make faces in the phone camera. "Mom, you are so funny"..Mom, you are the best mom. You know, it is such bliss when your children get up in the morning and look for you so that they can just come and hug you.

Building trust with your teenage kid

Initiate the dialogue. You can discuss your problems and let him or her have a say. By doing this, you are telling her - "I trust you". She will feel included. In fact, your children can give you very unbiased, genuine advice or solutions that you could not think of. Sharing will begin. She will be more open and less hesitant in sharing her secrets with you.

According to Jenna Glover, a child psychologist, parents should always model things in front of their kids, just like the way they want them to be. So, if you want them to be open and frank with you, you too need to do the same. Replace fear with unconditional love. Earlier we were afraid of our parents. We wouldn't get close to them, forget about sharing. They were up there, not reachable. Times have changed now. It's time to move from condescending to bonding. Your child doesn't need to fear you to respect you. 

Once she knows she will not be judged or looked down upon, she will come to you and very freely spill out everything that she is going through. And, if she has a breakup and cries, she will not cry alone. She will cry in your arms. And, you just caress her without saying anything. Wait for her to ask you for advice or input and give her the freedom to decide for herself. And trust me, she would make the right one. 

Attraction is natural. Teenage is the most tender and confusing age, the child needs proper support and guidance from parents to be on the right track. As parents, it helps to know what is happening in your child's life and be there by their side, no matter what.