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Parenting Advice: How to deal with children with special needs

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Q. I have 2 children, one is 4 and other is 11 years old. Actually, the younger one has some developmental issues and most of my time and focus in on him. But the older one feels rejected. I don't know how to manage. Please help! - Anusha from Mumbai

Having two kids and each at a crucial juncture in their life can be extremely tiring and frustrating for a mother. It is indeed emotionally draining. Developmental issues can be discussed with experts ( do let me know if maybe re-inputs needed on this) and enough resources are available these days to help you delegate at least a part of it. While your attention to the younger one is understandable but expecting a 12 year old understand is unfair. He is at a point in life where he seeks to emotionally bond and understands all the changes happening to his mind and body. In absence of that, his chances of going wrong are quite high.

I suggest engage him in the care, support and assistance process of the younger one. It will make him more empathetic to you and the LO.

Talk to him and make him understand the difference in needs.

Discuss what support he is seeking from you?

Allocate at least a small chunk of quality time with the older one.

Let him know it's just a matter of time that things will be smoother.

Involve your partner / InLaws in the process and do not be a martyr to do it all alone as you can never punch with a thumb.

Keep some part-time or full-time help to assist you in looking after both.

Keep investing a little in yourself too. That energy will ensure you are energized and motivated to think of innovative ways to tide over it

Talk to people or read about those in similar scenarios and see how they have been able to turn it around.

Hope it helps and provides you with better ways to bond and cope.