What to Do If Your Spouse Spends Too Much Money?

Question: My husband keeps spending on credit card and expects me to pay. All this while I have been paying so that he doesn't feel small as he is not working. Now, I can't pay for his extravagance anymore. Please suggest a good way to explain to him so that he understands and doesn't get upset.  

We are brought up with certain ideas like adjustments, support, care etc. And when it is about marriage and spouse, these things grip our minds even more. We have always learnt from our environment that relationship is about giving, caring and supporting. And we are also held guilty by the society that keeps a check on us, when we tend to deviate from the said concepts. Although I am not aware as to how this started in your life, but it is quite evident that you could not say no in the beginning itself or set the line about how much you can pay for him and hence now it has become a habit, and you have been taken for granted. And, I would sound rude, but this is little funny.

Not working doesn't make him feel small but not able to afford things would make him feel small! Is this not a fantasy created by your own mind? Can you see that to justify your actions, you have created a lot of faade around. As far as your husband is concerned, he is just used to easy money without any responsibility. The first thing is that, we as adults, must be financially independent to an extent that we can take at least care of ourselves. I am assuming that your husband is not a home-maker, no such agreement exists between you two because of which you may be taking care of his expenses. One thing is for sure, you need to communicate your status now. How much your husband would understand and cooperate, depends upon him. However, to start with, you need to first deal with your own moralities and guilt.

It's alright to draw a line. There is nothing wrong in doing so. Tell him calmly and assertively that you need to talk to him about his expenses. You can together choose a time to discuss wherein he is more open to listening to you. Then go ahead and explain things to him clearly and firmly, also tell him that you trust that he will be able to understand you and that you are voicing your concern because you value the relationship. It would not be a good idea to get into temper, raise your voice or even feel small while talking about it. Share with your husband your limitations, him picking up something that he values, your need for saving (in case you wish to disclose) and be firm while discussing.

You can initially try to make him understand, but in case this doesn't work for you then go ahead and tell him that you can't anymore continue paying his bills. It would be nice if he understands, but if he is unwilling, then you aren't left with any choice. It will be a painful moment for your husband because his convenience and comforts will be withdrawn, and so you will get to see his tantrums and sarcasms for a while.

Do not worry, if your message is loud and clear, he would find his way out. Also, be ready to deal with the reactions of your near and dear ones. Please remember, every action and even inaction has its own consequences that cannot be escaped. Hope you will be able to deal with the situation. Again reiterating, first and foremost, deal with your own feelings. Rest all will fall in place. In case you wish to take one-on-one coaching and mentoring, you can reach Richa at richasahay12@gmail.com.