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Career , Work
How do I stop feeling like a failure and rebuild my career?
Read answer from our expert & life coach, Richa Sahay.
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I am a 38 years old well qualified and married woman. I have attempted several things in past years but have not been really successful. I can see people around me treating very casually and disrespectfully, including my husband. I know I have the potential but still, I feel like a failure. Please help me.
- Shilpa, Ghaziabad
It takes a strong will and also some detachment with the people around, to regain ones lost confidence.
Emotional Intelligence
First thing, please do not give charge to others to rate you. Neither their appreciation nor their criticism should affect you. Don't we know, people have to say something or the other? They will build your image, however, you must dismiss it and not give heed to it. And let me caution you, if you will accept the appreciation, you won't be able to say no to the criticism. Beware at such moments, acknowledge appreciations gracefully, but do not allow it to penetrate you.
When we value people, their judgments affect us. However, here the key is to remember that no one is perfect and so they too are not. They are judging you based on your image that they have created in their minds and not the real you. With some awareness and constant practice, it becomes easier not to give importance to others judgments.
Finding The Right Direction
Before attempting to be successful, you must define what success is to you. Have you surrendered yourself onto the parameters of others of being successful or not ? That's not a very good way of living. Don't keep on saying yes to all that world validates. It's a good thing that you know that you have potential. Every potential is like a seed. Now the question is how you are nurturing this seed. Focus helps. And the only way to nurture is to give yourself to something completely. Not with conditions or expectations of results especially. When the time is right, flowering happens. Maybe the right nurturing is still missing, maybe you need to invest more in your skills development, get more clarity on what you really want to do. You are the best judge of your own.
One litmus test to really know what you would like to do is, check what is it that you still can continue doing even if you run out of money.
People treat us casually when we allow them to do so. The first reflection is, how do you treat yourself ? There is no need to accept such behaviour. It is a better idea to take away the time given to others and invest it in something that is truly meaningful for you. And let me go ahead and say, being alone is much better than being in the wrong company.
It's important that you give yourself some moments of solitude. Introspect. Not judge. See where all you need to be attentive and raise your awareness if you really care.
Age is just a number. Nothing more. It's alright that till 38 nothing has worked for you. You have a long life to live. And, age is not a criterion for times to come. Transformation happens in a moment.
Let life work for you.... Don't go against it by giving yourself to the societal standards :)
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Richa Sahay
Life was happening, in its own patterned way, like everyone else, for Richa too. Primary education, college, MBA, job ? all as per the standard pattern of the society. But then something unusual happened. Stuck in life, she questioned about her status quo. What?s wrong? Strangely, she did not turn to blame games, feeling victim of time and environment, or seeking false solutions. She was asking ?what is that I am missing??the missing pieces of the puzzle. She calls it ?Grace?. And then it just started to happen. As Zen says ?When the student is ready, the teacher arrives?, she started to meet guidance in various forms at different stages. And years passed by. A calmer, happier and peaceful Richa has been the result. Behavioural trainer and facilitator by profession, associated to various colleges, corporates and NGO, her training too has been deep diving to touch the fearful part of the participant and bring clarity. Now, she feels all that she has received can only be celebrated through sharing further. Celebrate and make others aware about the possibility of the celebration. Because, life is happening every moment. Not just on weekends and vacations. Be an ?Individual? which means ?indivisible? - not torn up in fragments. And because everyone has the potential. Life is a dance. Come, join the dance. Be more spontaneous, be more fearless, be conflict free. Be sensitive. Move from the false centre to the real centre. Be light, easy and swift.
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